She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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