I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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