I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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