My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
