good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
