i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
