My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
