Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Farmville is her only friend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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