My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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