i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
