I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
