Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
