Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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