Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize