can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
