Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am one with the molecules
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
