This is not my ceiling
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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