Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
