Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
