He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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