I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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