lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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