So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
