roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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