Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
