Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
