Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize