walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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