Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
