i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
