Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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