he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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