I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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