well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
