Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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