If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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