I think my vagina is haunted
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
