A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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