I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
