I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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