Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize