Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
