So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
