Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
