discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
