theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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