there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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