I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
