you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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