wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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