I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
