i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
