I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
