Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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