4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk is not a location!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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