i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
