Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
