I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
