Your face is a jimmy john
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
soo... how was my night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
