he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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