You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
