Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
