Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
