So drunk its hurt
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
