too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
