Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
