32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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